You are not appearing to possess goals that are clear from what you really want. Can it be some one you may get along with on nights out, weekend times, plus in sleep? Since you’ve got that. Or you don’t need him become an entirely trustworthy friend, who can confide their tips for you, or conduct his affairs with others in a open, ethical means?
Because that last one sounds like either a beneficial friend — that you did not take care to really make, we suspect — or somebody who is polyamorous / ethically non-monogamous, who’s got taken the full time and energy had a need to think about these kinds of things.
If having someone fun you can frolic on the full nights and weekends with is important, keep seeing him. But take 100% responsibility for the security, he is doing on the side because you don’t know what or who. After you know a great deal more about his life if you really need a friend you can trust, next time form a no-strings relationship only. If you need an individual who is ethical within their non-monogamous behavior, give consideration to reading “The Ethical Slut”, or likely to a polyamory meetup towards you.
Or possibly you are able to tell him the problems that are potential have actually together with his behavior, along with the trust problem included. See if he is happy to simply take things slow for awhile, venturing out as friends and trust that is rebuilding. And should you choose get “The Ethical Slut”, you might like to go over it with him sometime, and find out if you fail to persuade him that he could be truthful and ethical in his behavior with females but still get his crazy upon.
(But no, there is actually not a way for certain that you could understand the truth until he’s the type of one who would let you know. Individuals will get more honest and ethical about may be, nevertheless. Used to do. ) posted by markkraft at 7:39 AM on 19, 2013 4 favorites january
If he is the sort of one who’s comfortable with lying to have exactly what he desires, you’ll never find out of the truth. And you may never ever know if another person’s withholding information or perhaps not. I’ve had calm, ultra-sincerely delivered lies told for me while holding the cool, hard evidence of said lies there in my own hand. The lengths some people is certainly going to to guard their fictions can be extremely shocking. Rather than asking ‘why would he lie? ‘ perhaps think, ‘why would the truth be told by him? ‘ you are FWB so he doesn’t need to be honest – the stakes are not therefore high. He is able to trot some blah blah blah out excuse in a much calmer way than he’d having a livid, serious gf. What is the worst which could take place? He discovers another person to fall asleep with.
TBH it appears so he can cop to the stuff he’s forced to while maintaining plausible deniability like they did have a monogamous agreement (he’s trying to get her back right now, which is why he tells you he might be sleeping with her in future) and he’s doing damage control with you. The entire ‘crazy ex-girlfriend who’s manufactured their whole relationship in her own head who is now composing delusional letters for you’ (therefore many man’s exes are ‘crazy’, right? She is indeed mentally ill and has pulled this out of her ass when they talk about their partner’s wrongdoing? ) Statistically speaking, it’s very unlikely that. Why now and never before? Presently there’s nothing kept to get rid of. It is just worth maintaining your composure if there is likely to be a payoff.
FWIW we think you can find extremely few individuals whom run under genuine delusions. We also do not think you have to be ‘crazy’ to deliver a contact to another celebration, permitting them in regarding the picture that is real. Perhaps maybe Not yes it really is one thing we’d do myself when I doubt it can attain much, but I’m able to definitely empathise because of the motivations behind it. It is really not an outre or absurd a reaction to being cheated on at all, and does not have to be a good thing that is selfish. As a feminist, component of my reasoning should be to protect the other woman and her passions, FWIW.
As others have stated, at the best he’s an individual who’ll trample blithely throughout the hearts of other people provided that it gets their cock damp. Exacltly what the relationship to all this is certainly (Not My Boyfriend Not My Problem? Dickweed i would like nothing at all to do with? ) is your responsibility. Published by everydayanewday at 5:48 PM on January 20, 2013 2 favorites
Do not pay attention to every one of the social individuals in this thread who’re suggesting that your FWB is somehow being deceptive for you or her. Absolutely absolutely Nothing in your bank account implies that is the situation. This really is a he said/she stated situation, and all you really learn about his other intimate partner is she actually is claiming that they had a committed relationship. That you don’t really even understand if she thinks that by herself, in the end. Individuals frequently have completely different www fast flirting com some ideas as to what the “rules” of a connection that is romantic, and merely since the two of these saw the text differently doesn’t invariably suggest he had been either deceiving her or ignoring her reported feelings. You literally understand absolutely nothing by what continued among them, and aside from any real proof, you have no reason at all to not ever think your FWB unless he is currently proven himself to be dishonest to you personally in past times.
This is exactly why it is a stupid concept for her to possess contacted you- that you don’t understand one another along with no genuine explanation to trust her account of things.
Has your FWB been honest, sort, offering, good for you up til now? Why let the whole tale of the stranger have significantly more sway within the word of somebody that has been honest and it has addressed you well this far?
In the event your FWB has not been truthful, sort, giving, good for you up til now, well, then that’s explanation enough not to ever continue with him simply by it self. Published by eustacescrubb at 8:01 have always been on January 21, 2013 1 favorite